So many times I have seen kids put things off until the very last possible minute, then attack them in abject panic, sacrificing sleep and their mental health in order to meet a deadline.
As a parent, I have asked myself time and again, why do they keep doing this to themselves? If only they followed my advice and only did ......
Sound familiar? If you have a child with ADHD or anxiety, you might find yourself in a similarly frustrating situation. You know they can do it - they just need to buckle down and DO IT for the love of all things good and holy!!
But how far has that mindset gotten you, or your kid? For me, it did not get us far at all. In fact, that mindset has done nothing for us but lead to frustration, irritation, and a child who will shut down rather than engage with me in that dance! Which made me rethink what I was doing and how I was approaching the problem.
We as a society think of procrastination, and we often package it with laziness. If you are a reader of this blog, you will know I do not believe that laziness is an actual thing - kids are NOT lazy! They have more energy and engagement than any adult I know. They may lack the focus, and the ability to stick to a task all the way through to its completion, but this is a developmental issue, not a moral character one.
And often, the fear of rejection, or failure, looms so large in the brain of a teen with ADHD that it renders them powerless. The amygdala, that tiny part of your brain that was devoted to keeping you safe from saber-toothed tigers way back before we were a 'civilized' species, has not evolved as much as our frontal lobes would lead us to believe.
In other words - kids with ADHD fear failure and rejection so much they are literally frozen with fright at the idea of a big project. In this case, procrastination is a fear response. It is often tied to perfectionism - and that need to be perfect keeps them from even being able to start!
How can you help? Well, one way you could change their perspective is to allow them to create something that is terrible. Allow them to write something bad. Remove the need to make it perfect the first time. As I tell my students - We can edit garbage. I cannot edit (and as a teacher, I cannot grade) a blank page!
Allowing their efforts to produce mediocre, or even awful, work takes the pressure off. Without the pressure of the perceived saber-toothed tiger breathing down their neck, teens with ADHD can shut off the amygdala, and get to work.
It may not work perfectly every time, but you'd be surprised how far a little permission to be less than perfect will take you!
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